I am losing track of time. My days and nights are merging together and I spend most of my nights laying in bed just staring into the abyss. I have tried meditation, melatonin, physical labor, and even counting sheep to just try to fall asleep. Too tired to be frustrated I mostly just spend my nights watching TLC’s Hoarders until I pass out. At night my depression feels like it's trying to suffocate me and my body is just filling up with sludge. While that is kind of a bummer, it's not always like this. Peace always manages to find me when I need her most. Usually when I feel like I can't take it anymore and the sludge feels like it's about to flow from my eyes and ears, a release valve is turned and I start drawing. All of the bile flows over my page and for once I can communicate with my loved ones without saying a word. I can breathe again.